The boy and girl sat waiting.
They had waited a long time to be together and now there were no words. They had stopped looking at each other a long time ago. There was an awkward pregnant silence ready to give birth yet no words came.
The male and female cardinals sitting on the branches above had long given up on them and where almost ready to fly home when the boy spoke.
"Do you still think about what happened?"
"All the time." They met eyes like hawks meet eyes.
"What happened to us Allie?"
If there is true silence in the world it happened now.
"I think we died."
"You know that's not true."
"Maybe everyone else died and we're the only one's who lived. Have you thought about that?"
"No." Felix stood up from his place on the soft grass and looked to the clear horizon. "I think that maybe we crossed some kind of boundary - a threshold. Some reality that nobody knows about."
"Maybe..." She tucked her knees in and held herself. "I'm just confused. My mother, she wants me to talk to someone."
"I don't talk to anyone about it. They'll just think I'm crazy." He laughed like all boys do when they want to hide their fear.
"We're not crazy... are we Felix?" Felix turned suddenly. “No...”
Allie was looking at him with those deep grey-blue eyes that made him want to reassure her. Made him regret bringing her into this. Made him want to protect her from all that is unknown.
Looking down at Allie's green Starfleet uniform he felt a twinge of sadness. It was dirty on both sides. It confirmed his course of action. He should have been back a long time ago.
"Can you still do it?" he asked quickly.
"You know." He held his thumb and index finger apart like a crescent moon.
"Felix..." She looked away into the panorama of San Francisco Bay. Felix came to her then and sat besides her. He slowly opened his hand and laid it on her knee. And then it happened.
A dark-blue ribbon of silk connected between his thumb and finger. It was beautiful like electricity but with the grace of moonlight on the deep calm sea.
Allie turned and it was with sadness that she brought her hand to his. Doing the same she slowly opened her hand and the ribbon was suddenly there - scintillating between her thumb and digits. Her energy was lighter with spots of green and blue and red that sparkled like sunshine on river water. And then they were together again.
Like magnets the ribbons coiled together in a frenzy of light and shadow. Spots began to burst in high pitched musical pops. They both burst out loud in a giggle that separated them from all that is known.
The mocking birds began to sing then and the crow but the couple had only eyes for each other. Only their connection existed. Their ribbons intersected and danced around each other cresting and balancing themselves after so many years apart. They whirled and shaped themselves into beautiful designs and mandalas like roses that only heaven could bloom. They could resist no longer. Their hands came together with a clap and Allie was on top of him, kissing him as deep as she is woman and as deep as he could be man.
When they were done kissing the sun was halfway into the water and the Golden Gate Bridge shown orange in the half light. All that could be seen from this vantage point was a boy holding his girl on the lonely hill. His arm around her and her head in the crook of his neck. A little moth strayed too close to be seen and the mockingbird sang the first lullaby of the night. This time the raven just listened.
They walked home slowly. They where both lost in their own thoughts but it was the same thought. Where would tonight take them? What changes would Felix's return bring? The old road had ended and the road ahead was dark and unknown with no one to guide or give advice. All young people crave it secretly. Someone to explain the world to them. To take them by the hand and discern illusion from truth. But for these two, out here on the fringe, they were alone. And something waited.
They walked down the cobbled streets of Old San Francisco and sat on their favorite bench which looked out on a slow parade of people taking in the night and dining in the small restaurants.
Turning to each other all was said. Felix held the question and Allie's eyes held the answer. She slowly held out her right hand and he took it. Staring at each other they shook like friends or like lovers who are seeing themselves for the first time.
"So how long are you back for?" Allie asked.
"I'm still waiting.Until then I'm free I guess."
"Lucky you." she let go of his hand gracefully.
Felix looked for something to say.
"How's astrophysics?" he asked.
"Well, I'm still stuck on Earth if that tells you anything. The astrophysics advisor hated my thesis or didn't understand it. I'm not sure which. Too much theory she says." She smiled and tucked her hands beneath her.
"I think you should send it to the department head. It’s that good."
A young couple passed by - civilians. The girl wore green and the boy orange. Lost in conversation they laughed and seemed lost in the infancy of youth. They went into a small restaurant called Finn's where a young man greeted them and saw them to their table inside.
"Remember when we were like that?" Allie asked in melancholy.
"Yes." He let let the long silence draw itself into a question. "Allie, do you want to be with me?"
She looked at him like he had said something wrong. She sighed out loud and her lips pursed like a woman about to confront a dirty bedroom. "Felix, do you know how hard its been here? Stuck on Earth while you've been out there swirling around the galaxy?"
Felix was taken aback, "I just..."
"Well? I don't have anyone to talk to about these
"Well I'm here now. Everything will change now that we're back together. You'll see." He took both her hands and rubbed them but she quickly pulled them back. "What do you want to do Alls?"
She closed in on herself then and Felix looked away.
From the corner of his eyes he spotted an older man and woman. They were an attractive couple. Their hair had grayed but there was a vitality about them. They were dressed casually and held each other arm in arm. But the strange thing was that they where looking in their direction - straight at them. There was a deep sense of familiarity about both of them.
Allie turned and spied the mature couple. The older woman's hand went to her mouth in emotion as Allie met their gaze.
"Do you know them?"
The man smiled at them suddenly and nodded at Felix. A moment of understanding went between them and a chill went up Felix's back. The mysterious couple turned then and where gone into the night leaving Felix and Allie in bewilderment.
"That was strange."
Suddenly Felix's eyes opened wide and he felt a surge of inspiration hit him. Like a roller-coaster a thousand images flashed through his head and then he knew what he had to do. "Allie, we have to go back. I know where Sara is!"
"Felix, I don't think this is a good idea."
"Allie, if there is a chance I'm right we have to try it."
"Where are we going?"
"You know where we're going."
The forest around them was dark and quiet. Almost no wind rustled the trees and the moon above shown like a sliver in its first night back.
They followed the overgrown path deep into the woods. Who really wanted to be out here in the dead of night? They followed the small path until it ended and then made it into the thick brush where Allie ripped her pant leg on a dead branch.
"Felix! Wait for me." She made a sound of frustration that made Felix smile as they finally made it to the clearing.
"Common, we're here."
It was a wide open patch of pine needles and small grass surrounded by large pines and spruce. You could see the sky above where the stars shown brightly and where Libra was crossing on her way to Virgo.
Allie made it into the clearing pushing through a thick wall of sassafras. "I can't believe we're here again."
Everything was as they remembered. Even the night, the hour, and the slight chill brought memories of that auspicious night so long ago that had changed everything.
"Its the perfect night," Felix said as he took stock of their surroundings. Turning to Allie he could see that she was still the same girl he had fallen in love with: fearless and beautiful.
"Now will you tell me what's going on?" Allie said.
"Ok. Do you remember what happened?"
"Yes. We opened the thing... and Sara..."
"But what happened to her?"
Allie looked sideways remembering.
"The only thing that I remember," said Felix, "is that you went too far.”
"Me? I remember that you got too jittery and aggressive and then... well she was just gone."
"I know what happened to her Allie."
Felix sighed in frustration. "There's so many things I have to tell you. So much has happened to me since we've been apart."
Allie bit her lower lip and worried for the first time.
"Allie... Sara is in me. In my energy body or in my Spirit or my..." Felix stopped then and sat down on the pine needles. He quickly undid his shoe and sock to his bare left foot. "Sara is here." He pointed then touched his left foot right on its sole.
"Ok, now I’m worried."
"I can feel her. She's always there like an insistent pulse. Like a tiny particle. Like a pebble in my shoe that I can never get rid of. It started a few days after we lost her. I didn't know what it was until tonight. Its her."
Allie came to him and kneeled besides him. She gently took his left foot in both her hands and closed her eyes. Felix sighed as if a doctor had finally taken his pain away.
Long moments passed. Allie's face went through various expressions. Then suddenly her eyebrows shot up and her eyes opened in shock and she quickly let go of Felix's foot.
"Oh my God.... "
Their eyes met now and like someone were raising the volume on a wind amplifier the night began oozing life. The wind began to slowly build, making the trees rustle with a voice of their own. A great hum of crickets began to sing and the power that orchestrates all life began to connect.
"We have to try," Allie said with resolution as she lay her hand on Felix's foot. "Undress.”
Allie began to unzip her pants and take off her shirt. Felix did the same until they were bare naked and their clothes lay in a neat bundle on the edge of the clearing.
Bare naked they sat facing each other in the middle of the clearing and where still for several long minutes. They both had their eyes closed and as they connected to the powers around them, their streams began to connect.
"Wow... I haven't felt this way in a long time."
Long fibers went back and forth between their bodies until a blur of energy scintillated around them. They took hands then, opened their eyes, and stood up. Felix had an erection.
"You ready?" Allie spoke.
"I have you."
"Ok, me too."
Slowly their hands came apart and a matrix of dizzying shadow light shone between them. It was like an intricate maze of strings constantly moving and arranging itself around a center pivot where a vortex swirled. It was hypnotic. They both stared into it trying to balance and control their flow.
The pool shone darkly with no light of its own yet it attracted the eye as clearly as the sun.
"Ok... That's good. Back up some." Felix instructed her. Allie slowly retracted one hand.
Somewhere, tangled in the strings, a bright little dot could be seen struggling against the tides of their energies. Slowly it began to make itself into the middle of the pool where a vortex swirled.
"I think I see her."
"Yeah... that's her."
"Oh God, I can feel it happening," Felix groaned.
"Relax. Just let her come to us."
With some hesitancy the bright little dot made it into the vortex in the middle. It circled around it and then finally went in. !All hell broke loose!
An explosion of power ripped the couple apart. Allie was thrown clear into the bushes and Felix into the trunk of a thick old tree. For long moments everything was still and dead quiet. Then Felix could be heard retching his last meal unto the ground.
Allie stumbled back into the clearing. There, center, lay a young beautiful naked girl in a fetal position. She was small, perhaps 14 years of age with long curly brown hair. Allie walked slowly toward her putting one foot in front of the other impeccably.
She kneeled besides her and touched her wrist. "Sara?"
Sara was coming out of it. A deep primal and painful moan escaped her lips. Allie took her and hoisted her up. Through closed eyes Sara began to speak.
Her pulse was elevated and a thin film of moisture was on her skin but she had no fever. Her breathing was constant and her color was a nice warm pink. Checking her fingernails Allie could see that they where completely clean, perfect. It seemed she had just stepped out of the womb.
"Shhh..." Allie cuddled her face and looked up as Felix approached them. He was wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Is she alright?"
"I think." They both looked down at her face. She was struggling not to exist. Her eyes were shut so tightly that it seemed she was in great pain.
"No..." she said one more time and drifted to unconsciousness.
It wasn't easy carrying her back to the shuttle craft. Felix had given up his shirt to keep her warm and as they lay her down on the small bed Allie began to cry.
"Oh Felix... whats going to happen to us?"
"I don't know..."
Felix took the controls then and they lifted off into the night.
Felix and Sara at the Pier
“The first thing you must do is discover your will,” Felix said.
“What is will? I mean, how do I find my will?” Sara asked genuinely.
“Finding your own will is the secret of secrets, Sara. It is hardly ever taught, and you will find very few who will speak of it openly. For you, will is a point outside yourself – outside everything you know. You cannot grasp it and you can hardly even recognize it as part of you. It’s the part of yourself that you cannot know because it is the mystery of mysteries.”
“Well then… how am I supposed to use it, if I cant ’t know about it?”
“Your will is yours to command. It is intent proper – outside of fear and hope. It is outside the realm of mind and talk and words. Let’s say, that for you, will is a feeling. If you can touch that part of yourself that is outside of you, it will come. It is your dreamer, and for this reason, you can only use it for good and protection.”
“My dreamer? “ Sara asked curiously.
“A person’s dreamer is the light-sided, beautiful one, who lives in all of us. He is happy ,and joyous, and is always ready to play and do a good deed. He or she is very humorous and shiny as well. That is the feeling you must cultivate, because he is the only part of you that can command your will – your power.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s very simple, actually. You have to stop reasoning it out first of all. Your mind cannot grasp such a concept as your will. You have to use other methods. Usually for beginners it is shiny feeling on their left side. As you become familiar with it and begin using your will to get the things you want, it will become a feeling somewhere under your belly-button.“
A bumble-bee suddenly started bumping into Sara for attention. And then just as suddenly, it flew away.
“Ok, Felix. I think I understand.”
“Remember, fear and doubt make it go away. You should trust your power in all regards. You are strong, little one, I know you will soon find your power.”
Allie and Sara at the Lake
"Do you ever get lonely Allie?" Sara asked.
"I used to when I was younger."
"You used to??"
"Well, you know... the best friend to have when you're feeling lonely is Wisdom."
"Well, Wisdom isn't something you get when you grow old. Or something you learn after being experienced. Its something you remember."
Sara was quiet as Allie threw stones into the lake.
"Sara, real Wisdom comes from the universe itself. It sorta is the universe - I'm sure Felix can explain it better. But Wisdom, the kind we're talking about, is an energy you can tap into spontaneously. Its like a real friend to all people like us."
"Really..." Sara started throwing her hand-full of pepples into the lake one by one like Allie.
"So when you're alone and need company, just call on Wisdom. Sometimes, mine takes the shape of an old man or a beautiful green Goddess... you know. Sometimes I just feel it like a precense taking care of me."
"Its different for everyone?" Sara asked.
"Well... its like this force that knows everything. It can guide you. So... that is why I never feel lonely anymore." Allie threw her last stone into the lake, where it sent ripples dancing across the water. "Common, lets walk up the hill and see if we can catch the sunset."
Sara swung back and threw her last stone deep into the lake.